F R O M L O R I . . .
Hi! Gah, what a cool weekend I just had. The scale was so excited to see me back home that it added 4 pounds of love to last week’s number. I realize how much my relationship with that inanimate object has improved when I didn’t flip it the bird. More importantly, it didn’t fuck up my day. My eating habits from Thursday til today have been out of the ordinary but not awful by any stretch. So, I’m going to put this ‘gain’ (yeah it gets quotes because I don’t take it seriously) down to my body communicating a message to me: “Uhhh, remember how you took the summer off from comedy and everything was fairly calm and predictable? What the fuck was THAT?!”
2014
Well Body, that was a comedy weekend. My friend Iliza came to play Calgary & Edmonton and I opened for her. We met 6 years ago at Calgary Yuk Yuks. I liked her jokes, had seen her on Last Comic Standing and wanted to hear what that experience had been like, so I sat beside her til she noticed me staring unblinkingly then I informed her of my name and revealed the news that we were going to be friends. Being a well-educated woman, she did not resist.
Getting back into the swing of comedy was a good reminder that I need to do a little planning ahead of time. The odd Tim Horton’s muffin here, a mitt full of gummy bears from the green room there… tragically, it does add up.
People have asked if my material has changed since losing weight. Well, yes. You don’t realize how many jokes you have that are based on your weight until you lose a hunk of the weight. I’m still overweight and there are a few lines/jokes that still fit but there’s a lot that doesn’t. More importantly, I want to move on from using self deprecation so often. It’s a defense mechanism and it can be funny but my brain is different now. The world is different too. Body shaming, even one’s own, isn’t cool. I blather on about self love so it’s also hypocritical to go on stage and poke fun at my body. While I haven’t written a large chunk of new material, I have started talking about how I don’t know my new body yet. I’m not sure of its capabilities. Hence this pose during my set on Friday:
I love the man who took this picture and I don’t even know his name, but he photographs for the Grey Eagle Casino and I’m thankful for his excellent timing.
Here’s us on Saturday at the River Cree Casino in Edmonton. First off, this was my Mom’s top and she gave it to me because she is the coolest 80-year old ever created. When I showed up at Iliza’s room to pick her up, she said, “Oh nice! You look like Peg Bundy… in a fun way!” Trust me, it was a compliment and there was a kind follow up remark about my breastages.
Now about the size of my head. Yeah, it’s okay. I know. Just over a year ago, I confided in my friend Grant at 97.7 that I was going to get gastric bypass surgery. He considered it for a moment then said, “Aren’t you worried that your head is going to look too big for your body?” I died. I died laughing. It was the most refreshing thing ever and that’s often how our friendship works. I mean, he only has one testicle so it’s not like I hadn’t slung a few grenades his way in the hallways at work. For the record, Iliza does have a smallish head/face.
In any case, I don’t care! I like my big noggin. If I didn’t, I’d have small hair to minimize it. I like my Peg Bundy top and I like that I can now wear strappy shoes with a heel for hours and not be in pain.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have 4 pounds to lose before I weigh in tomorrow. Hahaha.
Love,
Lori
Pounds GAINED this week: .2 Yeah, POINT 2. See what can happen overnight? This is a prime example of why you shouldn’t weigh yourself every day.
Total pounds lost: 78.8
F R O M B R A D . . .
DIAGNOSIS NEGATIVE!! Meaning shitty. My back issue is not a sciatic problem. It’s a disc problem. I have Grade 1 sponylolytic spondylolisthesis. Sounds horrendous, but is just a fancy name for a slipped disc. Apparently when I was much younger I cracked my L6. My disc has slipped 7mm. It will never go back. Most people only have 5 lumbar discs but I’m special and have 6. This adds an inch to my height but also adds an increased risk for what I have going on now. Why couldn’t God have added an inch to something else down that way and left my discs alone?
So, treatment is anti-inflammatories, pain killers (poop-stoppers), and core strengthening that keeps my spine in a straight line. I now have to start doing “planks”, which I assume do not have maple encrusted salmon on them.
Planks are all the rage these days. So, I’m guessing a year from now they will have been found to have caused damage and be of little benefit to anyone. Think crunches, or political correctness. This core strengthening will help it not get worse. No fix in sight. My incentive to work at this treatment was hearing the words surgery and rods.
Saddened and worried about this prognosis my mood was lifted after I heard my GP say something I’ve been waiting to hear for years, “This would have happened whether you are overweight or not.” But of course losing weight will help. Horse beaten to death.
In other news, I have 8 days of Saxenda poking behind me. Because I’m still at a sub-therapeutic dose, it may be all in my head, but I have been feeling full faster after eating and a definite lowering of hunger. So eating less and not as often… that could be a good thing.
-Brad
Pounds lost this week: 2.25
Total pounds lost: 49.0 (Almost back to pre-vacation)
FUNNY FAT FRIENDS 